Classic Moments on Jonathan Lippe's Facebook Wall
10/14/2013 - Gravity movie is Die Hard meets Cast Away .... In Space.
When that new watch phone from Samsung Galaxy fails, someone should tell them why: "you're 40-50 years late on releasing it." People are way past expecting the watch phone in 2013. Gave up long ago. Had they released the watch phone in 1985, right around the peak of Knight Rider's glory, Samsung would be talked about in the same light as Microsoft and Apple. Releasing the watch phone in 2013 is like releasing the hover board and flying car in year
2077.
"We were promised Jetpacks, not setbacks" - Paul
When that new watch phone from Samsung Galaxy fails, someone should tell them why: "you're 40-50 years late on releasing it." People are way past expecting the watch phone in 2013. Gave up long ago. Had they released the watch phone in 1985, right around the peak of Knight Rider's glory, Samsung would be talked about in the same light as Microsoft and Apple. Releasing the watch phone in 2013 is like releasing the hover board and flying car in year
2077.
"We were promised Jetpacks, not setbacks" - Paul
Sept 25, 2013 - Dragonflies get a pass .... Like lizards.
Butterflies are exempt ... But not moths ... Even though a moth never messed with me.
Sept 25, 2013 - There is 8.7 million species of life on Earth .... but we're absolutely positive that not even a single Ameoba or Plant exists anywhere else in the Universe. When I was walking through all of the dragonflys the other day, i thought if these were the first type of aliens we found, we would be pretty let down. I think most people think its going to be humanoid intelligent creatures, or at least aliens like in Star Wars or Star Trek .... but it's most likely going to be an insect or a protozoa or a plant. Wow ... how lame would it be if the first alien was a Tree.
Sept 25, 2013 - I've always thought of Dragonflys as the Peacocks of the Insect Kingdom. I also think of Dragonflys as cool mini helicopters. I walked through a group of roughly 2000 dragonflys over a quarter mile yesterday. It was awesome. It was like being around a ton of remote controlled toy helicopters all colorful.
Use it for free Internet. Or internet backup. (if you want totally free, make sure you select the 4G only plan. It's the only truly free plan.)
September 23, 2013 - Broadcast Over-The-Air Television stations have been free for over 70 years. Ever wonder why 3G/4G/WIMAX/LTE costs a monthly fee? In 2003, I was a member of the IEEE when WIMAX was supposed to originally come out, and many of the engineers thought it should be free. METER THE HUMANS !!! I have FreedomPop, so its free for me, but i'm just sayin .... "TV was free, why isn't wireless Internet?" (part of the reason was TV was a one way communication pushing state-sponsored propaganda, so they wanted you to have it, whereas the internet is a PULL-technology, a two-way communication where the individual gets to decide and request what information he/she wants to consume.)
September 23, 2013 - Does anyone else think Casey Affleck and Brian Griese are the same person?
September 21, 2013 - I really get a kick out of it when the birds do the chirp with the heavy rapid wing flap. And to be clear, its not the chirp that entertains me. Its exclusively the wing flap. I'll sit through 14 seconds of chirping just so i can get 1.5 seconds of heavy wing flap. That wing flap is hilarious. Im at the pool watching all of these birds make a big scene. Different tweets and chirps AND HEAVY WING FLAPS!!! All worth it for those wing flaps. I might record it, edit out the chirping and just have non stop heavy wing flap audio.
July 15, 2013 - Profound dream last night: someone in the dream said to me, "purchasing a ticket to an event is a Real Estate transaction or lease. You are paying for the exclusive right to occupy land for a specified period of time, whether it is on an airplane, football game, etc" i couldnt think of something like that when im awake. Where did that thought come from. What a profound academic economist way to look at something!
July 1, 2013 - It's the "nog" part of the word pornography that makes it sound so pornographic. Phonography doesn't feel pornographic as it feels phony. Steganography evokes Stegasaurus dinosaurs, dinosaurs evoke DINO-SQUAT dinosquat evokes Dino-stool, Dino stool evokes Jurassic poop. Jurassic poop evokes "a doodie doodie do to you too pint size". That evokes Johnny beuptie pooptie pants.
"did you eat too much pizza?"
Whoa, I actually did have pizza to it at Mellow Mushroom. I know I vowed to not eat pizza again,
sin! Kneagahh!!but it said it was Gluten Free. I GUESS IT AIN'T THE GLOO TIN!!! Glue and Tin, juice n gin, a little twenty twen twen for some Singh sin sin sin
July 6, 2013 - The word Fongool needs to make a comeback.
June 11, 2013 - ""Disinformation disguised to accentuate the lies." - Superfly / Gibberish
June 12, 2013 - "Conspiracy Theory has gone mainstream. Feel free to call me a trendsetter."
June 13, 2013 - "I just ate a banana and wondered the following as I was chewing, "So, i guess this banana is alive, i think. Or was it alive until it was picked from the tree and now its on a rotting decaying routine, kinda like meat after killed. Did God create expiring food or did some evil mad scientist make all living things expire so you can't store them to keep the business cycle going. Bananas at one point were alive because they grew. So i'm eating a dead fruit. I guess since the banana is dead i dont have to feel bad. We've looked at bananas as fruits and thus they're friendly and not weird ... but this banana, if it didnt have the fruit classification, would i think it a strange growing thing like Coral or other plants? Plants dude .... what the heck is a plant? Fruits .... they're naturally growing tasty things. Leaves .. if only leaves were edible. Salad .... its like salad is the lie people on diets tell themselves ... you take supposed healthy stuff and then throw bacon on it and dressing. You might as well go have McDonalds."
June 13, 2013 - "I just drank some water and did not drown."
June 13, 2013 - "I saw a frog climbing a wall and an insect walking upside down on the ceiling on my way into work today. Most people brush this off as normal activity. It's not. A frog was climbing a wall and an insect was walking upside down on the ceiling. If they can do it .... can I ? They just showed that it is possible. I'm flapping my arms trying to fly right now."
June 15, 2013 - "One of my hacker buddies had a slogan back in 2001: "if you connected your computer to the internet, youve already been compromised by the NSA."
June 16, 2013 - "Someday there will be a famous athlete with the last name Naked. And the stadium will chant "go naked go naked go go go naked!!!!!!" Go naked will become an international phenomenon. Maybe his first name will be Joe. Joe Naked."
June 17, 2013 - Declarative, imperative, interrogative, exclamatory. Doesn't it feel like there should be more than 4 types of sentences? I feel like I'm so limited in ways to express myself verbally. There must be an undiscovered 5th way to communicate with English...." (Sarcastic, deliritive and physical were suggested)
June 19, 2013 - "Why do we assume we meet God when we die? On earth if something important in your life happens do you get an audience with the president?
But if you meet "your maker" and its a grey alien or an annunaki then that would make more sense.
So lets change it to "when you die, you meet your genetic engineers."
Notices I received in June:
- Lab created meat will be grilled up and served later this month, "Schmeat"
- Steven King has a book called 11/22/63 about Time Travel
- I bought a customized iPhone case
- Dino finished a playable prototype of his game Rollling Ball
Feb 1, 2013 - Announcement: I have plans to publish a new book in 2013/2014 entitled "Voluntary Existence / How to Transform Earth from a Lifetime Prison Sentence into a Lifelong All Expenses Paid Vacation." It will be a book about how to transform the world into a place where we don't have to work, toil, and endure things we do not want to and shift your life and hours towards fulfilling your personal destiny and experience the adventure of life, where Earth and our dimension will be viewed as a Theme Park instead of a prison sentence. As lofty as this sounds I hope every reader becomes angered to find out that this reality is currently available, and has been since around 1948 and certainly by 1980, and has been suppressed . This is the book to start the revolution.
Jan 30, 2013 - If there are earthworms, does that imply that there are Mars worms and Moon worms and Venus worms? Earthworms as opposed to Saturn worms?
Jan 25, 2013 - To call it The Rabbit Hole is a gross understatement. It is more like The Grand Canyon or The Marianis Trench / The Abyss.
Jan 25, 2013 - "This product may cause a laxative effect."
I read that after consuming the product, and thought to myself, well, I won't feel the pain, my anus will. But then, I contemplated.... am I not my anus?
I am a sum of all parts... so that makes me part anus. It is a fixated body part. But what about blood, urine, mucas, ear wax, other expelled fluids, shedded skin cells, cut off finger nails and hair? Are they part of me until expelled? I suddenly feel like a Sun/Star with planets orbiting me. I'm this gravitational field that has bones, muscles, veins/capillaries, skin, circulation and organs, all in a gigantic system that has just taken in a product that may produce a laxative effect in order to prevent a sore throat.
Fair trade off. I'll gladly spend some time in the restroom to not get sick. (But please laxative God, do not visit me while driving).
I'm hocked up on some preventative OTC medication feeling extra philosophical. I don't want to get sick, and feel the tingle. "I haven't got time for the pain." I got carded at the checkout counter. I'm not sure if it was for the ColdEeze, DayQuil, Halls or Gatorade. I instantly thought of wikipedia's article on PURPLE DRANK, the commercial product DRANK and the song "Sippin on Some Syrup" by Three Six Mafia. I thought about how the ID carding had a psychological effect. I wondered if you could get in trouble for selling OTC products on the street. Now, I just hope ColdEeze prevents my cold and doesn't create too much of a laxative effect. About to pop a Halls cough drop, which also reads "May Cause A Laxative Effect" on the back of the package. I definitely think i am increasing my odds of a laxative effect here.
Jan 22- Quality dietary decisions were not made tonight, and thus, the rectum will pay for the sins of the mouth and stomach
Jan 18.2013 - To inspire children to feel like winners, it should be pointed out that they all won the most important race. When half of their existence was a sperm, they beat every other sperm to the egg and won the race to fertilization. And thus, every person you see is a champion. The big trophy for winning was a human body.
June 28, 2012 - Animal Planet should have a daily sports center highlights of the best kills of the day and the best getaways of the day. Animal killing animal and animal getting away from animal. There are already fishing shows with humans making catches of the day. I was watching some animals today at the pool thinking about how much of an advantage they would have if they had National Geographic TV shows to watch either how to hunt or how the predators are hunting them. Lions and tigers breaking down game footage of the angle of attack and best techniques, how long to wait before you show yourself above the brushes, etc.
5-20-2009 - "Beginning to question the nutritional pyramid of food. Maybe the dairy, fruit vegetable, meat lobbyists, and wheat lobbyists and marketers have propagandized us to believe their products are good for you and essential for health. What if there is a fifth food group?"
7-23-2009 - "I bought a PUR water filter that reads "does not filter out beneficial Flouride". Who do I trust?"
10-2-2009 - "I got a great deal on multiple tubes of toothpaste at Publix and was thinking about throwing a tooth-brushing party. We can all brush our teeth, watch each other brush, and then comment on each other's techniques and discuss the joyous experience we had from going from an unfresh mouth, to sparkly clean."
1-10-2010 - "I think protesters should consider having a group of people dressed in Stormtrooper or Clone Trooper outfits with the weapon prop protect their boundary and right to demonstrate when police attempt to break up the free speech. I enjoyed seeing the Stormtroopers and Vader show up at the NYSE last month. I think there should be a lot more sightings of Star Wars outfits doing controversial things."
April 22 - 2012 - "In the hotel, there is a "Book of Mormon" in the drawer. I thought it was the screenplay for the South Park play. Instead it was the account of a man named John Smith, who was visited by a glowing, time-traveling Extraterrestrial who told him where golden plates were buried by ancient native Americans in north America. I think I will be reading more about this when I have spare time. Then there was another book in the drawer called "Holy Bible." I read up to the 6th verse in Genesis and it was describing how ancient aliens had sex with humans. This too is another book I will have to read more about when I have spare time. This hotel in Phoenix has 2 books about Extraterrestrials in the drawer waiting for me. Ya gotta love it. I'm still on my quest to find someone who lived here in 1997 and actually saw the Phoenix Lights."
2-19-2012 - As normal and sophisticated as you all try to act, the reality is you live on a giant blue oblate spheroid that is so large it takes 24 hours for it to complete a single rotation when traveling at 22,000 kilometers per hour, whilst simultaneously orbiting a gigantic nonstop yellow nuclear explosion of which it takes 365 days to complete a revolution. Your home planet is home to 7 billion humans, and trillions of creatures of thousands of different species. 2/3rds of your planet is non-terrestrial, and is aquatic and home to some of the most bizarre creatures in the Universe. People often ask me, why do you always have that smile or smirk on your face, and what is always so goddamned funny!? Well, now you know. When that "serious" person is trying act all civilized, I'm thinking about how absurdly interesting existence is and that I'm flying around space on spaceship earth. May the force be with you.
4-13-2012 - Learn from the young – Most young children are recently reincarnated. We
can gain knowledge from the afterlife by interviewing them about what they
remember from before they came to Earth. Some children haven’t had their
minds completely erased and can still recall some things. Interrogate them to extract the information not available to us adults! Ask them "where were you before you were here?"
4-7-2012 - When I pass by animals, i imagine the dialogue going through their minds. For instance: The mallard duck couple, came ashore, and then they saw that I was there (oops, human alert). I say in return, "its cool, don't worry, i'm just finishing up some rice, and then i'm going inside, i have my own food, so i'm not interested in eating you two. Enjoy the night you love-birds." Then the male duck kinda says "yeah, yeah yeah, i've heard that lie before ... we're just gonna keep a nice comfortable distance from you just in case you decide you'd prefer to eat duck over the rice you're chewing on." I respond back, "that's fine, i kinda like the whole comfort circle thing we got goin on anyways. I mean, cause like you guys just walk and take a dump in mid-stride and i'm glad i have a nice distance. We're co-existing. Do you two feel super-civilized that Human and Duck can co-exist peacefully? Look at you two, enjoying a nice night on the pond, and me, enjoying a box of fried rice. Different species co-existing without drama. We're so civilized. You two duckiepoos are alright. As I had that convo in my head, the neighbor's cat walked by and the happy co-existence suddenly had a new variable.
3-31-2012 - In our society they condition us to believe misinformation is real information and real information is misinformation.
2-25-2012 - I wonder what the economic impact would be if we all went back to drinking tap water again like we did when we were kids. I'm a snobbish bottled water person of the past decade, but there was a time where we all were on the hunt to find the best water fountain with the coldest, crispest water. Water fountains were awesome. I kinda want to have a water fountain installed in my house. I wonder how much they cost, and how much to operate annually. Water fountains. Think of the majesty of water fountains. Getting lifted up to get a sip of that water fountain magical water. The water fountains that had the steps to get yourself tall enough. The ones with the push down buttons, the ones with the smaller embedded push down buttons. The ones with the lever that you would turn left or right. Water fountains.Gregory Brunt said it best in 1996 when he said "The water fountain is an adventure zone, you never know what sorts of neat artifacts you'll find.... like today ... it's cantelope and knives." I'm about to grab a bottle of zephrhills, but will be longing for the days when a water fountain was all a kid needed. To the water fountains of the 80s and early 90s: I bid my honor to you for the wonderful hydration opportunities you provided.
2-15-2012 - How is it that a heavy, gigantic jumbo jet airplane can fly, but we can't get individual flight machines ala jetpacks, the rocketeer, the iron man outfit, etc. Today, look up in the sky and look at an airplane fly over your head. If you live near an airport, go watch it close up. It's ridiculous to see. It seems like it breaks the rules of reality. How can that big f-word thing fly? But yet, you as an individual can only ride it like a horse and get left being mocked by the birds with their special ability. Oh you tell the birds that mankind has been to space. The birds respond with "what, 535 humans out of 7 billion?" I'll show you damn birds who is cooler
1-4-2012 - I thought I had invented a new word yesterday, but I didn't. The word was "snave". Siri didn't produce any search results nor did a google search on the 4S, but when I got home, i ran a search and discovered 383,000 results for SNAVE. I think i'm going to give up on trying to invent something new under the sun. To be honest, this wasn't a totally divinely inspired thought. I was eating at Bob Evans restaurant and saw the name all backwards "SNAVE BOB" and thought I cleverly discovered a new word. I'm still out to discover THE 27th LETTER. What would that 27th letter look like. What would it sound like? That will be the title of my next album if I ever make one. "The 27th Letter.".
1-29-2012 - Church is Sports Center for the Bible. Highlights of the good parts.
11-12-2011 - Anytime i see vultures eating a dead creature I feel like when I pass by they all kind've posture up and say to me, "Good day there Mr. Lippe, we're just getting this carcass cleaned up for you, shouldn't be long, we'll be out of your way in no time. Hope you have a great day sir." And I say, "you boys keep up the good work there, we appreciate the job you do."
2-19-2012 - Many humans have interspecies households. That is to say their home is a co-habitatation with non-human entities such as dogs, cats, plants, fungi, bacteria and ghosts.
9-1-2011 - If it ain't the truth, it's a lie.
6-17-2010 - Have they ever done a taste test with hambugers with carniverous animals like Lions? Does a lion prefer a Big Mac or a Whopper? And if you offered a plate of big juicy Five Guys burgers (or enter popular burger of great taste) or a recently killed cow, which would the lion choose? would the lion take the juicy man-altered patty or would the lion choose the real thing? I think animal taste tests would be of interest in commercials. Although it would be animal smell tests. The animal would choose what interests its nose more.
12-18-2009 -Where does light go when you turn it off? You fill the bathtub with water and when you turn it off you have a bathtub full of water. You turn the light on, the room fills with light, but when you turn it off, it all disappears. Where does it go?
12-29-2010 - Charmin Ultra Soft Mega Roll gets my vote for favorite TP on the market.
12-28-2010 - Hypothesis: I relapse back to listening to rap music when I eat fast food.
9-14-2010 - Underneath you're a skeleton.
10-2-2011 - The Internet: instant access to all of mankind's knowledge for $50 a month. Greatest deal on Earth.
10-8-2010 - Reason I don't scuba dive: I feel guilty that the sea creatures welcome me in their home when I smash bugs and shoo ducks when they enter my home.
7-16-2011 - Is it incest if you make a clone of yourself, and during the cloning process, alter the DNA strand that determines gender to make it the opposite, and then engage in advanced relations with it? I fully intend on cloning myself in every way possible if I ever discover the technology on how to do it. I don't ask, "should I", i only ask "could I".
9-10-2010 - School reflection: I hated when teachers would have us grade each others papers together in class. I hated to have to mark my friends answers wrong. I felt like they were conditioning us to punish each other. They also got us to do their dirty work for them. We had to write our name on the paper to be accountable for the grade and if we graded it wrong those points would be taken off of our grade.
9-9-2010 - A tv show where 25-34 year olds play with toys with a passion. It would be a top watched show. Afterall tomorrow begins NFL season where grown men play a childrens game and other men watch them play on tv.
I will be watching favre and the Vikings tomorrow night.
11-24-2010 - Average person:
walks 114,000 miles in a lifetime.
Pees 11,000 gallons of pee.
Drinks 16,000 gallons of water.
Americans release 108 million pounds of poop every single day. 4.5 million pounds an hour. 39.4 billion pounds a year.
9-2-2009 - I got a great deal on multiple tubes of toothpaste at Publix and was thinking about throwing a tooth-brushing party. We can all brush our teeth, watch each other brush, and then comment on each other's techniques and discuss the joyous experience we had from going from an unfresh mouth, to sparkly clean. It's like a wine-tasting: we can discuss the flavors of toothpaste and the subtle intricacies of the enamel protection, flouride, whitener, and their benefits of the prevention of gum disease and tooth decay.
5-18-2009 - starting to believe I was fed Dinosaur Propaganda in elementary school. I've been observing people from other cultures who aren't as impressed with dinosaurs as Americans under the age of 30. But then I wonder about the original Godzilla generation. Di
3-26-2009 - One of the funniest and funnest things to do is talk with an old school buddy and bring up names of people "remember so and so" and you dont have to say anything about them, you just say their name and the other person just knows. And you just go on list
9-11-2011 - The NFL should require Ray Lewis to give a daily huddle speech for all Americans to get their day started right, I just got my Sunday dose of 52, and i'm ready to get stuff done. If I could hear a modified version of it everyday, i'd get out of bed faster.
8-15-2011 - I have a hard time acting serious and professional knowing that caterpillars, beavers, seahorses, starfish and the million other species of creatures all exist. They're all strange. And here we are with our suits and our ties acting like everything is nice and normal. Freakshow earth.
9-18-2010 - Sometimes I let the garbage disposal run after all of the chunky stuff is chopped up and listen to the water get shredded into many separate parts and think about how it all just forms back together like magic as it goes down the pipe. Sometimes I'll try to hold water in my hand and think i'm holding an exotic substance with magical properties. Liquids. They're amazing. They freeze at 32 degrees F.
10-2-2010 - i got it made and i dont even know it.
9-25-2011 - Whenever they show Mike Tomlin on the sideline look at the camera, I feel like i have to stop watching the game and pretend i'm working.
9-3-2011 - It infuriates me that Historians, Geologists, Archelogists get to define history as fact. AS FACT !! Like they were there!! Eventually History will be looked at like religion and myths. A fairytale. Once we have Time Machines available to the masses and not just the elite and military, people will bring video cameras and proof back that all of these "revered" Historians were contracted-professional liars of the rulers of the human slaves.
6-22-2011 - A whole lot of murder takes place daily in the animal kingdom.
10-8-2010 - Did anyone else see Cartman dip Vagisil and race NASCAR the other night? I haven't seen anyone post about it.
10-8-2010 - Usually I have to build up the courage to look into a microscope.
6-24-2011 - Conducting an evil science experiment: talia discovered a ton of ants in the downstairs bathroom. Instead of spraying a bunch of chemicals, I put a single ant/roach motel on the floor. It is hilarious watching them all enter like it's wal-mart. We'll see how many are still shopping in the morning.
Unexpected outcome: I thought I was going to find a bunch of ant corpses or a ton of ants unaffected by the motel ... Instead, there is no trace of ants at all. The floor actually looks cleaner than it was before the ants. No ants in sight. None. Gone.
10-7-2010 - Animal Memory from Embassy Lakes Shopping Center, Cooper City: I was exiting Walgreens and there was a young female golden retriver-esque dog walking, looked like she escaped the animal hospital a few doors down. The automatic doors sensed movement and opened, doggy walked in and looked so amazed at the neat things that were sold in the store and could sense the perfume section. So many aromas all at once.
4-19-2010 - Sometimes I wish I could somehow safely interface my computer into my visual cortex
because my eyes get so tired of being open after a full day but i want to still take in visual data.
4-4-2010 - Efficient methods of de salinization should be a worldwide priority to avoid future water wars.
6-6-2011 - True or false: human beings have continuously lived in space for 26 years? (since 1985)
8-8-2010 - I would trade the hoverboard for animals having the ability to speak Conversational English.
8-10-2011 - The snooze alarm on the alarm clock is like a commercial break - it always rings when the show is about to get good.
9-1-2011 - It's not cynical if its accurate and observable.
2-6-2010 - I plan on spending a lot of time in the future.
2-6-2010 - I've been alive for a little over 11,315 days. I wish I had been investing $1 a day at 5% compound interest over the course of my life.
7-23-2011 - I intentionally set my alarm clock to ring at the same time I have it for the work week. Not to get me up early, but just so I can hit snooze as often as I would like to live out what I feel like doing every day... Sleeping til I feel like waking up. Went to bed at 1am. Alarm was set for 7:45. Finally decided to Wake up at 10:30 am. It was satisfying slamming my hand down every 9 minutes.
9-20-2011 - My shortcoming was I gave society the benefit of the doubt even though common sense told me otherwise. No longer. We live in an insane asylum, and with this realization I will be conducting myself accordingly.
I prefer elastic waistbands.
8-11-11 - I still think the game Musical Chairs is extremely sinister.
7-27-2011 - I never ran for Elected Office because I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to do as good of a job as I believe an elected official should do - but after watching Khan's latest video - ANY OF US could've done a better job. All of us should run on the slogan "everyone before me F'd up royally but claimed they would do a good job ... i can do just as bad of a job as they can."
6-20-2011 - Imagine if we weren't shown videos of all the creatures under the sea as kids and just went under water one day and saw the freakshow for the first time? Sharks are overexposed by the animal media paparazi.
8-19-2011 - Urinals should come standard in homes. They benefit both the man and woman. it would end the toilet seat debate and the pee all over the seat
8-1-2011 - I've never questioned the laws of thermodynamics. Maybe I should start.
7-30-2011 - Ace of Flames = Rectal discomfort from poor dietary consumption decisions.
....
currently suffering from AOF ...
.... and that is where this message is being composed.
12-24-2011 - Remember to de-activate the ADT chimney alarm so St. Nick doesnt spend the night in the holding cell for breaking and entering.
12-24-2011 - Missed opportunity: I had wanted to say "seasons greetings" in any encounter I had with people in order to avoid the whole debate of merry Christmas vs happy holidays and then hearing the additional Hanukkah and kwanzaa additions. I wanted to try out what I felt was a checkmate to end the small talk with "seasons greetings". Missed chance.
12-16-2011 - "How many animals did you eat today?"
12-17-2011 - Rob Ryan is "The Dude" Jeff Lebowski
12-17-2011 - I just saw a T-Mobile commercial and thought it said "walkin in an Orgy wonderland." but on the second time I more clearly heard "walkin in a 4G wonderland." there were midgets in the video too. Video smelled of Disney's hand, Disney's sneaking sex on children's hand..
1-1-2011 - "the tron effect" by Jonathan Lippe. The moment in your day where you experience something that causes you to reflect upon the insights from the original Tron film of the 1980s but can also refer to Tron Legacy 3D. Tron. Tron had about as many lines in the new film as he did in the original. Tron. I can't wait to see Tron 3 and Encom going open source.
12-5-2011 - There is both a thrill and disappointment from having exact change when paying for something.
The Thrill: Sometimes it feels like you had a Royal Flush in Poker. The success and achievement of feeling prepared for the transaction, or maybe the lucky feel of somehow having the exact combination of pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters.
The disappointment: Not receiving anything back except a receipt. There also is that implied "i coulda gave you back change, but you wanted to be cool with exact change, just making my life easier and yours empty" from the teller.
4-14-2011 - My coworkers and I exist in a separate two-dimensional universe where we are able to yield special powers and solve mysteries in a half hour with commercial breaks.
I loved when marshawn "beast mode" lynch ate some skittles last nite after that beast mode pt 2 td. "skittles .... They give you goobers" well, apparently they also give you 140+ yds and Tds.
6-30-2011 - If there are 360 Undecillion IP Addresses available with IPv6, shouldn't ISP fees drop by like 10 trillion percent? - START ASKING THIS QUESTION EVERYWHERE. During IPv4 there was a scarce amount of IP Addresses available. Now there are more IP Addresses available with IPv6 than there are stars in the Universe. If you want lower internet fees, start posing this question.
6-23-2011 - Even if he doesn't come back this season, I think they should still go through the annual soap opera of "will Brett Favre finally retire". It's become a past time. It makes pre season entertaining.
6-19-2011 - Contemplating the word and number "zero". "0". I always felt that both the number and word were far cooler than the meaning. It's like zero controls the world. It controlled the way any other number interacted with it. Any number times zero is zero. That's power. It's not a loser number the way people think it is. plus, the word "zero" is a pretty cool word. If it didn't have negative connotation, it would be a cool name for a pet dog or imaginary friend or a cartoon character. "zero" sounds like a Greek or roman god. The god of zero. Or king zero. Zero. Look at that cool word there. Zero. Zero zero zero. Sometimes people don't even appropriately call zero zero. They'll call zero "oh" or "o". Although, anyone in Miami gets the pass for saying "three-oh-five", I'm good with that.
7-9-2011 - Haunting Memory: I was in middle school, and had to get up to go pee, and while i was peeing, it felt like I was peeing on the back of my leg - which made no sense. What it was, was a cockroach crawling up my leg - whilst i was exposing myself to the toilet. When i went to feel my leg, to see if it was
possible that i was peeing on myself, i felt the roach. GROSS. I don't know if i'll ever get over that.
8-26-2011 - Im not gonna have the time nor the tv to watch, but I kinda wanna see some over sensationalized hurricane coverage where the reporter is facing the wind and getting pelted with rain and you can hardly make out what they're saying and it's all loud,and then they cut back to the calm and quiet broadcast booth and the anchors segway back to calmness with a reassuring statement about what responsible citizens are doing loaded with a threat and a reminder of a past disaster all in the same sentence.
8-26-2011 - What was the highest paid commercial spot during a natural disaster? Which corporation bought it? They release all sorts of "top news channel at such n such time". Which 'nat disast' had the highest news ratings and viewership? It's an evil question - but someone pays for that captivated audience glued to the tube with fear. Do they charge more like during superbowl? "standard nat disast premium". I thought about the question further. They don't run the commercial spot as a 30 second commercial. They advertise in the newscast like "home depot and walgreens are running out of batteries and bottled water as people are preparing for the worst." I remember Sean Hannity had a gas-a-thon on the radio during a non-event hurricane in Florida. Hannity was sitting safely in new York urging people to wait in line to get gas. I wish I had it recorded. He didn't call it a gas a thon - but that's what it amounted to.
9-8-2011 - "If Peyton Manning is the sheriff, then Aaron Rodgers is the Marshall." - Uncle Sal after i said "there is a new sheriff in town" after rodgers's 2nd td pass in the 1st qtr.
8-7-2011 - Aside from the intended function of resting and auto-repairing of the human body, the act of sleeping provides another benefit: Sometimes I just need a vacation from being alive. Going to sleep provides that getaway. So the next time you've just had enough of being awake, try sleeping. Its a grand getaway and the rates are fairly decent. The cost: 4-9 hours of time.
8-6-2011 - Volcanic Eruptions = Planet Earth's Menstrual Cycle
7-5-2011 - I was on Raptor Jesus's Facebook page, and someone posted "Ezekiel 23:20"
7-1-2011 - Had Smoothie King earlier and now I feel overly aware of being a spirit inhabiting a human body. Im suddenly hyper-aware that my skull is protecting the living brain. Talia just gave me a super-close military cut. Maybe that's why. I'm wearing my head right now. I'm imagining having an elongated skull like the crystal skulls. I'm standing upright. Walking. I'm a human!
12-5-2011 - The letter "w" in the word "sword" increases the coolness of a physical sword by 25%. Don't believe me? Watch. "sord." he drew out his sord. 'yawn'. But watch: "he drew out his sword." suddenly, 25% cooler. Both in print and in physically drawing the sword. Sword > sord.
6-11-2011 - Had Smoothie King earlier and now I feel overly aware of being a spirit inhabiting a human body. Im suddenly hyper-aware that my skull is protecting the living brain. Talia just gave me a super-close military cut. Maybe that's why. I'm wearing my head right now. I'm imagining having an elongated skull like the crystal skulls. I'm standing upright. Walking. I'm a human!
Balki responds with - Pretty amazing that we are essentially machines designed to carry around and protect the few pounds of grey meat in our skulls.
Try this: go to Google and type in "Tim Osman" and see what you get for results.
10-2-2011 - The Internet: instant access to all of mankind's knowledge for $50 a month. Greatest deal on Earth.
12-3-2011 - Food is a mind-altering substance.
10-11-2011 - Are children who are from families where both parents are Bureaucrats perform better at the game "Hot Potato"?
Do Bureacracies sponsor Hot Potato tournaments to recruit future employees?
10-11-2011 - I was thinking of recording a stand-up comedy album and entitling it
"Dancing With Dinosaurs".
But then I saw other people already beat me to that awesome title. It doesn't seem as awesome when they do it though. If I did it, you'd know it be authentic. But that's ok. I'll leave all of that stolen awesomeness on this post here. Just envision "Jon Lippe: Dancing With Dinosaurs." Eh, it sounded better in my head.
DANCING WITH DINOSAURS !!!!!!
Quotes
Does the 2nd C in CDC stand for Control or Creation?
For the 2022 Ballot, "Continue Pretending The PlanDemic Scamdemnic is real"
Who has the lead in the Covid Culture War at this point?
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